List of knowledge for new moms

Some work friends and girl friends are expecting their first babies- yeah! So I thought I would start collecting random but helpful advice for the soon to be mommies. Advice that maybe no one else will tell you and the books that do tell you are too boring and long to read. Also advice that might not sound good or make you feel like a great mom but hey they are realistic.

I am going to start a list and keep adding, so comments and recommendations are greatly appreciated. These are in no particular order but separately by pre-baby and post-baby.

Pre-Baby

1. Yes people will want to touch your stomach. Tell those weirdos to back off.
2. Just cave to the cravings, its really your only time too and its fun! Especially since you can't drink.
3. For those friends that only invite you because you can be the designated drive, tell them they will be the first person you call for a babysitter. They might rethink the situation.
4. The baby will suck the life out of you and kept going after they are born. I know they are cute and all but they really do. Its not bad to think or feel that way either. You will love them regardless.

Post- Baby

1. If you feel like you might shake the baby because she has been crying non-stop, just put the baby down and go outside and smoke. While smoking is bad for you, it really does help in those situations. If you don't want to smoke, make yourself a BIG tall glass of bourbon- no ice.
2. You don't lose the weight before you leave the hospital. Sorry, you might be skinny but you will be wearing maternity clothes out of the hospital. Just get over it now.
3. Babies are all cute and fun at the hospital and then you go home and it gets very scary. Just remember they grow up and turn into little humans that can talk. This is just a phase.
4. If you like the baby phase, be realistic and know that one day they will grow up and talk, so enjoy every minute.
5. Your body does some weird stuff. I mean really weird. Just be sure to cover up the top part- no one wants to see your post-baby boobs.
6. Go back to work. Just do it. No one will judge you and then you will actually have time to yourself. If you don't go back to work then have someone that can give you breaks. Babies are great and all but damn you need a break.
7. This baby will test you and your marriage- just remember life only gets better.

Okay that is all for now....more to come.